Tuesday, July 7, 2009

The Railrunner yellow strap problem

I can tell you that the Railrunner yellow bike strap problem is being looked into by Mr. Tom Trowbridge, NM Equestrian/Bicycle/Pedestrian Coordinator, and that Mr. Trowbridge is a pretty good sport about my blog- all of it true because he emailed me today.

Or, I can tell you my Don Vito Corleone version of the Railrunner bike strap problem, none of it true and a figment of my imagination, except the "non-coded" email correspondence, which is true.

The Don Vito Corleone Version:

Today, I received a message from “The Don,” as the 505 Bike Commuter reverently refers to Mr. Tom Trowbridge.

The Don, he says to me he was gonna look into the yellow strap problem and check in with MRCOG (Mid-Region Council of Governments, or among the New Mexico illuminati and cognoscenti, “Mr. Cog,” or just “Cog,”) about fixing “the problem.” MRCOG can make things happen to things, get what I'm saying?

The Don, he says to me:

“I’ll also put out an email to my bike/ped comrades in the other states (I’m on a B/P list-serve) and see what is done on other passenger rail systems across the country and ask for pictures/supplier websites, etc to pass on to the ‘cog.”

I know coded language when I see it. The Don, what he really says to me is, “I’ll check in with the bicycle la cosa nostra and see what is done to these yellow straps that do not show no respect for our thing.”

He also says:

“…I just happened upon your blog last night…”

Shuddering and on the verge of a panic attack, I lookup one of my old blog posts and I read this shocking passage, by my very own decrepit cloven hoof no less:

“Perhaps Trowbridge is too busy for a quick email, "Thanks, I'll check into this and get back to you soon." Or, perhaps the pedestrian/equestrian portions of his job are amazingly important and utterly demanding of his time that spending the three seconds on quick response would cause complete failure of pedestrian/equestrian infrastructure of this dusty southwest state.”

Realizing now to my absolute horror that I may have offended The Don, I meekly respond to The Don:

“Blog is tongue in cheek humor. Thanks for being a true sport. Most of us bike commuters are in agreement that the straps are difficult to work with.”

Hyperventilating, in code, what I really says to the Don is this, “God father, I meant only to be funny. Thank you for your benevolence, but us bike wise-guys, well, we are having many problems with the yellow strap.”

The Don, he writes back and tells me:

“No worries. I don’t own a car, so I’ll add it to my favorites!

What he really says is, “Fah-get-ah-bout-it. You owe me a 1975 Lincoln Continental Town Car. I’m gonna keep a eye you from here on out.”

I will now request a meeting to kiss The Don’s ring and show my respects to his benevolence.

Perhaps now I have blown my respectful request of The Don for a Railrunner car devoted only to bike commuters, with hot tub on the upper deck, Al Green and the Peaches and Herb and Barry White playing on surround sound throughout, white shag carpet, disco ball and dance room on the bottom deck, and lava lamps everywhere.

Sorry NM bike commuters.

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